SlashNOT

Matthew writes: Sun CEO Scott McNealy announced that the entire staff of over 35,000 employees would participate in an online mass telesuicide next week.

“It’s been a tough couple of years for Sun, no doubt about it. We’ve looked at the market conditions—let’s face it, the .com boom isn’t coming back—and we’ve woken up to the fact that Linux has eaten Solaris’ lunch. We aren’t going to be able to keep up with the new 64-bit processors from AMD and Intel, and we know that.”

“We’ve looked at the future, and it’s grim for Sun. The world just doesn’t need us anymore. I seriously doubt anyone will really even miss us.”

“So I’ve decided that the best thing to do is just stop wasting the resources, and go ahead and commit corporate suicide. So next Friday, we’re going to do one last company-wide teleconference, open-source Solaris, and then all of our dedicated employees are going to quaff a paper cup of poisoned grape-flavored drink. It will make a tremendous statement about the passion and spirit of Sun.”

Employees reactions were mixed, with some deciding that the announcement must be some sort of bizarre joke while others hurriedly cleaned out their cubicles.

Matthew writes: The Creator of Linux, Linus Torvalds, has lashed out at parody site SlashNOT after SCO CEO Darl McBride admitted that he got the idea for suing IBM over Linux from a SlashNOT satirical short that he read in January. A few days later, SCO halted sales of its Linux distribution and set the wheels in motion for its lawsuit.

“These SlashNOT guys are a bunch of self-aggrandizing buffoons. They don’t take their satirical responsibilities seriously, and this SCO lawsuit is the consequence!”

SlashNOT editor Matthew responded: “I’m sure SCO would have figured out their lawsuit tactics eventually without having read the SlashNOT post in question. We regret this entire incident, but SlashNOT is not responsible for the actions of SCO. We will be more discreet when we transchronize from the future in the future, however.