SlashNOT

Matthew writes: First begun during the reign of Akhenaten (Amenhotep IV) and alleging unfair market practices in the licensing of their product (which when translated means “large square hole in the wall”) and for including more straw and other non-clay material then legally allowable, Microsoft has been negotiating and delaying resolution for over three millennia.
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Nomad7674 writes: Hertz rental car filed suit against Apple today alleging that their Megahertz Myth marketing campaign is misleading and damaging to their brand name.
“Hertz is in fact a very large corporation—A Mega corporation, if you will.” stated Hertz Lawyer Eldon Johnson. “Apple’s campaign implies that Mega Hertz is a myth, which could not be farther from the truth. Hertz has approximately 1,900 locations in the United States and approximately 5,100 international locations. We deliver more than 30 million reservations annually. Clearly, Apple’s smear campaign against us is unfounded, egregious, infamous, nefarious, notorious, atrocious, deplorable, heinous, monstrous, outrageous, and preposterous. Frankly, we still don’t know what we’ve done to offend them.”
Apple lawyers counter sued, citing their policy to counter sue immediately irrespective of the facts or merits of the case. They also exploring a counter-suit claiming that the new Volkswagen Beetle, a car rented out by the company, infringes upon the “look-and-feel” of the original iMac, and that the Chevrolet Lumina violates Apple Human Interface Guidelines for automobiles.

Matthew writes: A new trend in Television advertising is coming soon, designed to eliminate the “TiVo” problem of users fast forwarding past commercials with their Personal Video Recorders (PVRs).
Pop-up adds are computer generated ads that appear on a small portion of the screen in context. For example, if someone is shaving in the show, an ad for razors will pop up.
An episode of Touched By an Angel is being written especially to accomodate ads for the following products:
Always pantyliners, Trojan condoms, Viagra, Nexium, and Claritan. Apparently, the plot has something to do with an overaged Angel trying to earn a different sort of wings while battling persistent heartburn and the onset of seasonal alergies.
There is some concern about these sorts of “stealth” ads being embedded in websites as well.

Matthew writes: The Bluetooth consortium is considering changing the name of their technology to Bloodylip to more accurately reflect their market position versus the dominant 802.11b wireless standard.
“We’ve tried convincing people that Bluetooth just isn’t the same thing as 802.11b, but we’re constantly pushed into competition with them.”
“802.11b is a great technology, no doubt about it. But it’s much higher range, older, faster, and has way more market penetration than we do. Bluetooth is for when you want really low bandwith at astonishingly short range. 802.11b is for higher bandwith at longer range. It’s simple, really, but the pundits keep comparing them to us, and of course, we suck. It’s like comparing kumquats to oranges. Kumquats are smaller, harder to find, and sour. Oranges are bigger, sweeter, and ubiquitous.”

Matthew writes: With two years to go, Iomega has set the stage for a massive collapse, beginning in 2004.
Iomega VP of R&D Mahmoud Mostafa explains: “We’ve got a whole new line of uncompelling and expensive products ready to go, beginning with Zip 750. CDR/W has been beating us up and taking our lunch money, and Zip 750 is our response to that. Costing nearly 20 times as much for the same amount of storage, and lacking the ability to be read everywhere, we really feel that Zip 750 is going to be the Anchor that drags us right to the bottom.”
“We rode the Zip cash cow for a decade now, and didn’t come up with a single compelling product between now and then. Remember MiniZip? It’s like Flash memory except it’s slower, has no market penetration, and it’s easy to break. Remember Jaz? Who knew hard disks were going to get so cheap that people wouldn’t need it, except those who did the standard projections? Man, that took nobody but us by surprise.”
“But just in case Zip 750 doesn’t kill us, we’ve got a bunch of higher capacity media way down the line that are guaranteed to be obsolete, incompatible, and expensive by the time we bring them to market. It’s how we plan wring ever last cent of shareholder value out before we bite it.”

Matthew writes: A touching movie about a female Geek who finds love outside her culture.

Chaffing at the restrictive boundaries of Geek culture, which has not allowed her to find a suitable mate, Tula begins wandering from the CS department computer lab and finds herself in an off-campus coffee shop, where she meets a counter culture psuedointellectual Dork who has dropped out.

Tula’s friends can’t understand her desire to be with a Dork, and try to match her with a series of predictibly geeky Geeks. Love conquers all as Geek and Dork introduce one another to their cultures and teach their friends that Geeks and Dorks can live together in peace. The movie culminates in a Geek wedding held in Hot Air ballons in 15th century Renaissance period costume.

The movie is filled with light touches, like a father who spouts inane puns constantly, a mother whose robotic contraptions save the day, and Siamese twin Aunts who act as foils whenever necessary. Michael Anthony Hall cameos as the Geek priest who performs the ceremony.