SlashNOT

Submission by Cpt. Tako

This Microsoft press release reports that the company has successfully acquired the rights to the trademark “Linux” from uberhacker Linus Torvalds, the original developer of the operating system’s kernel. The normally staid Torvalds appeared jubilant as he left the San Jose central office of Wells Fargo Bank. When interviewed in LinuxToday and asked about the sale, Torvalds commented: “Hey guys, a billion dollars is a billion dollars. You’re taking this whole thing way to seriously. I mean christ, If I had known that that stupid kernal was going to take over my life, I never would have posted it.”

Submission by Cpt. Tako

CNN reports on last week’s incursions into strategic Silicon Valley business parks by the BSA, breaking a cease-and-desist agreement that had been in place since 1988. “Until these blatant acts of software piracy against our clients stop, we will not retreat. When all acts of software piracy by every individual on the planet stops, then we can consider a pullout.” BSA agents have set up roadblocks into and out of San Jose and neighboring Cupertino, inspecting all traffic for copies of Microsoft software and forcing users to recite the EULA from Windows XP. Those claming to use only open source software have been held for further questioning.

Submission by Cpt. Tako

Bob’s software review’s contains this report on the performance comparison of the two heavyweight browsers. “Unfortunately, Mozilla doesn’t quite make the grade. With pop-ups disabled,
the average browser spent 45 minutes less time browsing for porn, and
frequently could not acheive climax.”

Submission by Cpt. Tako

This website shows exactly how to convert a Nintendo Gameglove into a USB vagina using only the glove, an electrical power cord, and a damp natural sponge! I can’t say it looks anything like a real vagina, but then site operators mention that they’ve never seen a real one. Apparently, they did all their research online at various biology special interest websites. I can’t say I’d use it, but then I have access to the real thing.

Submission by Cpt. Tako

According to BZNet, Intel has announced plans to release it’s next line of x86 compatible processors processors. The company is finally updating it’s Pentium trademark to “Sexium” to compete against the AMD Athlon.
“There name says sweaty and stinky. Our name says sweaty but smells
goooood.” remarked an Intel spokesperson. Other product names Intel considered to “jazz up” the lackluster performance of the line included Pentium X and Pentium XXX. The processors are due out in Q4 2004.

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