SlashNOT

Slashnotes are one of only two categories of submissions that aren’t fictitious on Slashnot (the other being articles in the Humor category, which are ludicrous but true stories gleaned from the press). Slashnotes is an irregular feature wherein the maintainers of this site speak directly to the readers. So, whenever you read a slashnote, imagine the voice of [substitute the name of your deity] booming (or being still and small, as dictated by your conscience and your understanding of higher power) in your head. Unless you’re an atheist, is which case you may substitute it with either the voice of Spock, Dr. Carl Sagan, or Dr. Ruth Westheimer, as your intellect dictates.

Slashnote #1:
SUBMIT, DAMNIT! No, we’re not dominatrices, we want your story ideas. Michael and I are both on vacation this week, and since this site doesn’t deal with airplane and hotel humor, we’ve been a little dry lately. Besides, I only have three humorous impulses a day and my wife is getting tired of me using them up on this website.

How to submit: Click the submission link, enter whatever you want as your name, click a topic and section, and type the text of your idea. You can put in anything from a complete story idea written the way we would write it to something as simple as “You guys should do a story about a 3GHz Z80.” If your idea is funny, we’ll post it. If it’s not funny, we’ll ignore it until it goes away. But even if we do ignore it, keep trying! Perhaps one day you’ll be funny enough to make Slashnot! If the site complains of an error when you try to submit, remember to click a topic and section.

The famous linux portal Slashdot was brought down by excessive traffic when it was linked to from the infamous slashnot.com, in this very submission.
“Due to excessive bandwidth that their servers were unable to respond to, slashdot sysadmins probably had to throttle bandwidth, leaving many slashdot users unable to view the website”, says slashnot founder Capt. Tako.
“This effect happens frequently when sites are listed on slashnot” he continues. “It’s really a tremendous compliment. It means that your site has ‘arrived’ in the consciousness of the linux community, even though users only see an error page.” “When we link to a site, we’re directing upwards of seven people directly at it, so it’s not surprising that many sites simply can’t handle the load. Frankly, if they linked to us at the same time as we linked to them, it would probably take down the Internet.” When asked if Slashdot’s failure to deliver pages might be caused by some other technical glitch, Capt. Tako. explained that it wasn’t a likely explanation, considering the high quality and availability that Slashdot has traditionally maintained. “No, it’s definitely our community. Or it might be my DNS settings.”

The slashdot.org parody site SlashNOT.com debuted this week. Featuring “Gnus for Gnerds, Stuff that Mattress”, Slashnot co-founder Captian Tako explains: “Our primary goal was to be at least as funny as slashdot, but on purpose”. Accepting tech interest parody submissions from the teeming millions, the staff at SlashNOT plan to operate their site basically the same way that slashdot operates, except that no submissions by anyone surnamed “Katz” will be accepted.

This site is a work of fiction. Our news stories are fictional and satirical and are not meant in any way to represent the truth. It’s all lies. Every bit of it. SlashNOT exists for entertainment purposes only. Names of public figures, products, and locations are used purely in jest. Otherwise, names, products, and events are fictional and any resemblance to actual persons or entities is coincidental and unintentional.

Occasionally we post stories in the “True Stories” section that are not satire. Even then we don’t guarantee their accuracy.

SlashNOT accepts submissions. By submitting, you give us permission to post the story on our site without compensation and attest that you are the originator of the submission and that it does not violate anyone’s copyright. We credit all contributors. We reserve the right to edit or rewrite submissions as we see fit, and to reject them for any reason.

This site is a parody of Slashdot. We are not affiliated with Slashdot in any way and our stories are not meant to represent the opinions of any of the Slashdot staff.

All stories are (c) SlashNOT, 2002-2004, unless otherwise specified. All rights reserved. Our stories may not be printed or published by others in whole or in part without our express written consent.

The following is the privacy policy for SlashNot.com. Please read it if you’re terribly bored. Read the rest of this entry »