The decision shocked HP employees and surprised Human Resources experts, who believe that not working is still a growing trend.

“It’s usually cheaper to have people idle.” Said Manny L. Aber, s.v.p. for global HR for the A.M.A.

The architect of HP’s division change, Randy Mott, is regarded by Wall Street as a mastermind of operational efficiency based on his days as CIO at Wal-Mart and Dell, where people apparently actually still work. Since joining HP in July, Mott’s philosophy of “Getting things done by actually working” contrasts with that of competitors, who retain top talent by paying them for no apparent reason.

An anonymous HP employee of 20 years said that HP’s offer to relocate non-working employees to work sites would not be enough to entice her to say. “Why is HP telling us we can’t do this when everyone else is saying ‘Please do’? I like the flexibility of not working. It’s the only reason I’ve stayed with HP this long.”

Wednesday April 26, 6:00 am ET

For 24.95 a month extra, the new Privacy+ Tier offers consumers the ability to feed all data to the NSA at the slowest speeds available. However, for an extra 24.95 per month, per customer, the NSA can override the Privacy+ Tier and spy on Americans at Speeds of up to 6.0 Megabits per Second

SAN ANTONIO–(BUSINESS WIRE)–April 26, 2006–AT&T Inc. (NYSE:T – News) today announced a new, higher-privacy tier for its AT&T Yahoo!� High Speed Internet service that meets consumers’ growing outrage for allowing the NSA full availability to its backbone. At the same time, it announced a new NSA Turbo-Speed Tier that, for a fee, allows the government to override the newly introduced Privacy+ Tier.

Beginning Monday, May 1, new residential customers who order AT&T Yahoo! High Speed Internet service online through www.att.com can purchase the Privacy+ Tier — offering data to the NSA at speeds sometimes as slow as 56k. (other monthly charges and a 12-month term commitment apply). Effective today, the new Privacy+ Tier is available for 24.99, when it is ordered with a qualifying service bundle. Existing AT&T Yahoo! High Speed Internet customers can upgrade to the Privacy+ service through the company’s Web site and take advantage of the current pricing promotion beginning Monday.

“Consumers are craving greater privacy, and now with the AT&T Privacy+ service, they can at least get the satisfaction that the government is going to get their private data at the slowest speeds possible; “Consumers could easily get more privacy from a company that doesn’t offer the NSA a fat pipe right onto its backbone, but with the incredible amount of money that the government paid us for that pipe, we just couldn’t pass it up. The new Privacy+ Tier, tips the scales back just a little bit in favor of the consumer,” said Scott Helbing, chief marketing officer-AT&T Consumer.

Also effective Monday, May 1, the NSA can sign up for the new NSA Turbo-Speed Tier, which for an extra 28.95 per month, per customer, allows the government to override the newly created Privacy+ Tier. “The NSA is craving greater speed to American’s private communications, and now with the NSA Turbo-Speed Tier, they can at least get the satisfaction that they can resume domestic spying at the highest speeds possible; “The NSA will be hard-pressed to find this speed at a better price, for a full 12 months, from one of our leading competitors,” said Scott Helbing, chief marketing officer-AT&T Consumer.

AT&T Yahoo! High Speed Internet also announced that with the NSA paying an undisclosed, but very large amount of money for access to its backbone data, and with a higher than expected demand from consumers, that it has decided to ask popular web sites, such as Google and eBay to also pay a monthly fee to insure a speedy deliver of all consumer data to these web sites. In that regard, AT&T Yahoo introduced the new Extortion-racket Tier.

Also, in a move that is sure to stun Wall Street, AT&T has announced that they will soon enter the “garbage collection” business.

About the New AT&T

AT&T Inc. is one of the world’s largest telecommunications holding companies and is the largest in the United States. Operating globally under the AT&T brand, AT&T companies are recognized as the leading worldwide providers of IP-based communications services to business and as leading U.S. providers of high-speed DSL Internet, local and long distance voice, and directory publishing and advertising services. AT&T Inc. holds a 60 percent ownership interest in Cingular Wireless, which is the No. 1 U.S. wireless services provider with 55.8 million wireless customers. Additional information about AT&T Inc. and AT&T products and services is available at www.att.com.

You will also be charged a monthly FUSF (Federal Universal Service Fund) cost recovery fee to help cover charges from our data transport supplier pursuant to state and federal telecom regulations. This fee is not a tax or government required charge.

Contact:AT&T Inc.

Sarah Baker, 314-982-8659

sbaker@NO_SPAMattnews.us”

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Large gorillas have filed civil suits for violations stemming from the use of the slang “800-pound gorilla” when referring to large businesses which dominate an industry. A spokesperson for the gorillas said, while this has been an issue for gorillas for a long time, that since AT&T provided the NSA with a backdoor to its backbone, that it is just too offensive to have the word gorilla and AT&T used in the same sentence. As the suit winds its way through the judicial system, the gorillas prefer people use the more appropriate metaphor for large corporations who violate American citizen’s privacy rights on a grand scale, by referring to them as “800-pound penises.”

The former Ms. Parks would not even acknowledge the attempts, remaining proudly in state without dignifying their efforts with a response. Having apparently learned from the last time Ms. Parks refused to budge, the government quickly jumped on the bandwagon, opening the doors of the Rotunda to visitors and dignitaries wishing to pay their respects.

Donald Mingus, a spokesman for the American Hypocondrial Society (AHS), described the campaign. “We’ve got numerous members at BNSF who’ve been permanently disfigured by Carpal Tunnel, Sick Building Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Florescent Lighting effected Migraine Syndrome (FLeMS), and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). While the cause, source, or even diagnosis is rarely provable, I’ve got reams of anecdotal evidence that shows that employers must be responsible.”

“Furthermore, we’re absolutely opposed to any sort of testing which might result in a negative diagnosis of our member’s ailments.”

“We want BNSF to stand up, take responsibility, and provide the magnetic therapy, gel-filled wrist rests, flat panel monitors with EMF shields, and healthy back office chairs that our members so desperately need.

Sites such as knoppix.com will now be free to remove their threats that they will shut down if software patents prevail, as soon as the site maintainers get the good news.

In a statement on his website, the reclusive director wrote: “I am not your prophet. I haven’t invented a religion—I was just trying to put something a little spiritual into a futuristic space opera. It wasn’t really all that well thought out, as you all found out in Episode I.

“Please, don’t worship me. Don’t worship the Force. Stop trying to figure out the physics behind light sabers, and stop wearing the kooky robes around. They’re props, not fashion statements. I’m not okay with this anymore, and I damn sure don’t aspire to being martyred. And stop making fan films that violate my trademarks you thought thieves!“

Morticia Strunk, spokesperson for advocacy group “To Each What He Needs”, used the occasion to deliver a forceful criticism of cultural insensitivity. “We have a situation here where an economically disadvantaged family has been completely destroyed by outdated laws. Those people simply were not capable of paying those bills. They should have been taken care of, not hounded by bill collectors and then plundered, trumpeted as freaks, and ripped asunder as a family.

I know many of you are thinking to yourself, ‘Why did they keep Grandma around after she started smelling?’ And then dad. And then mom. You are asking the wrong questions, the sort of questions your grandparents might have asked. The world is not so brutish anymore. We need to show more compassion for those of us who might be vitality-challenged. These callous laws requiring us to discard the dead, as if they were rubbish to be buried or burned, emotionally scar not only those deprived of their vitality, but their survivors as well, who find themselves senselessly torn from those they love. Personally I could not bear the thought of my partner telling me she would not sleep in the same bed anymore just because I had lost all vitality. Where would the commitment be in that? Love is forever.”

Russian officials refused to comment beyond, “The law’s the law.”

The messages then direct recipients to open a message and answer questions. The computer “virus” is in the attachment. Or maybe it’s a keystroke logger designed to monitor your computer usage. Ingenious, FBI guys, you have my admiration.

The FBI “claims” that they don’t “engage” in the “practice” of “sending” “unsolicited” e-mails to the “public” in this “manner”.

Brilliant ruse, FBI guys. Blatant, simple, and brilliant. You are masters of subterfuge.

Claiming they were pressured to expose their breasts as a way of bonding with the 300lb. Gorilla, the pair say they were fired for failing to indulge the Gorilla’s fetishes.

Speaking through an Interpreter, Koko apparently denied the claims

“Ball pretty cookie, Potato sandwich. Kitten Michael peaches—chair. Tired like happy nipples, no sleeping purple sun!”

The pair are seeking damages totaling more than million. If she loses, Koko’s Gorilla Foundation faces a major decline in charitable donations.