HP to cut back on not working

Posted by Matthew on Sunday June 4, 2006 @07:49PM

from the they-want-us-to-do-what? dept.


Matthew writes: Hewlett-Packard, the company that began being flexible about whether or not its employees actually did anything starting in 1967, is cutting back on its not working requirements for its IT employees. By August, almost all of HP’s IT employees will have to actually work. Those who don’t wish to make this change will be terminated without severance pay. While other companies nationwide are pushing more employees to not work in order to cut the costs associated with productivity, HP believes that bringing its IT employees together to a working place will make them more effective.

The decision shocked HP employees and surprised Human Resources experts, who believe that not working is still a growing trend.

“It’s usually cheaper to have people idle.” Said Manny L. Aber, s.v.p. for global HR for the A.M.A.

The architect of HP’s division change, Randy Mott, is regarded by Wall Street as a mastermind of operational efficiency based on his days as CIO at Wal-Mart and Dell, where people apparently actually still work. Since joining HP in July, Mott’s philosophy of “Getting things done by actually working” contrasts with that of competitors, who retain top talent by paying them for no apparent reason.

An anonymous HP employee of 20 years said that HP’s offer to relocate non-working employees to work sites would not be enough to entice her to say. “Why is HP telling us we can’t do this when everyone else is saying ‘Please do’? I like the flexibility of not working. It’s the only reason I’ve stayed with HP this long.”


PR release: AT&T Introduces new Privacy+ Tier & NSA Turbo-Speed Tier

Posted by Matthew on Tuesday May 9, 2006 @08:44PM

from the Speed-of-Blight dept.


Eyes Only writes: AT&T Introduces Privacy+ Tier for Consumers and an NSA Turbo-Speed Tier for the government, at Market-Leading Prices

Wednesday April 26, 6:00 am ET

For 24.95 a month extra, the new Privacy+ Tier offers consumers the ability to feed all data to the NSA at the slowest speeds available. However, for an extra 24.95 per month, per customer, the NSA can override the Privacy+ Tier and spy on Americans at Speeds of up to 6.0 Megabits per Second

SAN ANTONIO–(BUSINESS WIRE)–April 26, 2006–AT&T Inc. (NYSE:T – News) today announced a new, higher-privacy tier for its AT&T Yahoo!� High Speed Internet service that meets consumers’ growing outrage for allowing the NSA full availability to its backbone. At the same time, it announced a new NSA Turbo-Speed Tier that, for a fee, allows the government to override the newly introduced Privacy+ Tier.

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Body of Rosa Parks in act of civil disobedience

Posted by Matthew on Sunday October 30, 2005 @09:00PM

from the One-good-turn-deserves-another dept.


Matthew writes: The body of Rosa parks arrived today at the Capitol Rotunda-an exclusive “men’s only” Washington area mausoleum, where it lay defiantly in honor, refusing to move. The Capitol Rotunda, historically reserved exclusively for the bodies of dead men, was abuzz in activity as first the custodial staff and then the Secret Service attempted to convince or coerce the defiant late Ms. Parks to leave without causing a scene.

The former Ms. Parks would not even acknowledge the attempts, remaining proudly in state without dignifying their efforts with a response. Having apparently learned from the last time Ms. Parks refused to budge, the government quickly jumped on the bandwagon, opening the doors of the Rotunda to visitors and dignitaries wishing to pay their respects.

Wussies decry BNSF Carpal Tunnel Testing

Posted by Matthew on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @05:43PM

from the HO-scale-model-employees dept.


Matthew writes: In a test case with ramifications for wusses throughout the nation, Burlington Northern & Santa Fe Railroad has been secretly running unproven genetic tests on its workers to prove that the employees are genetic wusses, thus relieving the company from responsibility for their myriad symptoms.

Donald Mingus, a spokesman for the American Hypocondrial Society (AHS), described the campaign. “We’ve got numerous members at BNSF who’ve been permanently disfigured by Carpal Tunnel, Sick Building Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Florescent Lighting effected Migraine Syndrome (FLeMS), and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). While the cause, source, or even diagnosis is rarely provable, I’ve got reams of anecdotal evidence that shows that employers must be responsible.”

“Furthermore, we’re absolutely opposed to any sort of testing which might result in a negative diagnosis of our member’s ailments.”

“We want BNSF to stand up, take responsibility, and provide the magnetic therapy, gel-filled wrist rests, flat panel monitors with EMF shields, and healthy back office chairs that our members so desperately need.

EU says no to annoying software patent protest pages

Posted by Matthew on Wednesday July 6, 2005 @05:56PM

from the thank-god-its-over dept.


Matthew writes: Linux and open source users are breathing a sigh of relief today after the EU has voted down software patents, thus eliminating the annoying home page software patent protest pages that end users would have to click through to get to the meat of a website.

Sites such as knoppix.com will now be free to remove their threats that they will shut down if software patents prevail, as soon as the site maintainers get the good news.

The life of Brian

Posted by Matthew on Wednesday June 29, 2005 @06:34PM

from the Life-imitates-Monty-Python dept.


Matthew writes: A somewhat bewildered George Lucas has announced that his fans have “officially taken this crap too far” with MP Jamie Reed’s recent inaugural speech to the House of Commons in which he announced that he was the first Jedi member of the body. Beginning in 2001, enough people in the UK have reported their religion as Jedi to make it the 4th largest religion in the country, surpassing Judaism. To date, more than 500,000 people around the world have officially declared their religion to be Jedi despite the fact that Mr. Lucas has not elucidated the core principles of the religion beyond the few mysterious statements to “use the force” and that the force emanates from alien microscopic life forms in the bloodstream.

In a statement on his website, the reclusive director wrote: “I am not your prophet. I haven’t invented a religion—I was just trying to put something a little spiritual into a futuristic space opera. It wasn’t really all that well thought out, as you all found out in Episode I.

“Please, don’t worship me. Don’t worship the Force. Stop trying to figure out the physics behind light sabers, and stop wearing the kooky robes around. They’re props, not fashion statements. I’m not okay with this anymore, and I damn sure don’t aspire to being martyred. And stop making fan films that violate my trademarks you thought thieves!

Nonliving Rights Champions protect eviction

Posted by Matthew on Thursday June 9, 2005 @03:22PM

from the Stales-from-the-dark-side dept.


Daan writes: In an unusual protest against archaic laws and bigotry, an extended family in Russia quit paying any of their bills for more than two years as they hunkered down in their Moscow apartment to weather their own passing. Appalled officials finally broke into the apartment to confiscate enough property to satisfy the debts accrued, and then evicted the family, subjected them to medical experiments, and buried them.

Morticia Strunk, spokesperson for advocacy group “To Each What He Needs”, used the occasion to deliver a forceful criticism of cultural insensitivity. “We have a situation here where an economically disadvantaged family has been completely destroyed by outdated laws. Those people simply were not capable of paying those bills. They should have been taken care of, not hounded by bill collectors and then plundered, trumpeted as freaks, and ripped asunder as a family.

I know many of you are thinking to yourself, ‘Why did they keep Grandma around after she started smelling?’ And then dad. And then mom. You are asking the wrong questions, the sort of questions your grandparents might have asked. The world is not so brutish anymore. We need to show more compassion for those of us who might be vitality-challenged. These callous laws requiring us to discard the dead, as if they were rubbish to be buried or burned, emotionally scar not only those deprived of their vitality, but their survivors as well, who find themselves senselessly torn from those they love. Personally I could not bear the thought of my partner telling me she would not sleep in the same bed anymore just because I had lost all vitality. Where would the commitment be in that? Love is forever.”

Russian officials refused to comment beyond, “The law’s the law.”

Howard Stern Coerced Into Stripping By FCC

Posted by Matthew on Monday February 28, 2005 @10:18PM

from the as-ye-reap dept.


Seth writes: Radio personality and celebrated buffoon Howard Stern was asked to disrobe in front of an FCC review board in order to have his license renewed for future broadcasts with XM radio promoters. “Come on Howard, show us what you got under those tight leather pants.” Said review board chairman Dean Fannerly. ” You want that license, right?” Stern was hesitant at first, but felt that he lacked the power and upward mobility to say no to the nine-group panel. “Alright, but my girlfriend will be so pissed off.” Said Stern. The board agreed to grant an extension on Stern’s license since he was “such a good sport.” However Marie Cunnings did make sure to let Stern know that because of his face and genitals, he would never make it in Playgirl Magazine.

The FBI is not sending you a virus

Posted by Matthew on Thursday February 24, 2005 @12:38PM

from the our-boys-in-black- dept.


Joan of Boston writes: A virus coming from an fbi.gov address is being spread through spam. They say that the recipient has accessed illegal websites, and that their Internet use has been monitored by the FBI’s “Internet Fraud Complaint Center”. The FBI uses those quotes to make us think that that they don’t actually have such a center. Clever, FBI guys. I salute you.

The messages then direct recipients to open a message and answer questions. The computer “virus” is in the attachment. Or maybe it’s a keystroke logger designed to monitor your computer usage. Ingenious, FBI guys, you have my admiration.

The FBI “claims” that they don’t “engage” in the “practice” of “sending” “unsolicited” e-mails to the “public” in this “manner”.

Brilliant ruse, FBI guys. Blatant, simple, and brilliant. You are masters of subterfuge.

Koko the Gorilla sued for workplace sexual harassment

Posted by Matthew on Sunday February 20, 2005 @05:51PM

from the Human-is-as-Human-does dept.


daan writes: Two former caretakers of Koko the Gorilla have sued their former Boss for sexual harassment.

Claiming they were pressured to expose their breasts as a way of bonding with the 300lb. Gorilla, the pair say they were fired for failing to indulge the Gorilla’s fetishes.

Speaking through an Interpreter, Koko apparently denied the claims

“Ball pretty cookie, Potato sandwich. Kitten Michael peaches—chair. Tired like happy nipples, no sleeping purple sun!”

The pair are seeking damages totaling more than million. If she loses, Koko’s Gorilla Foundation faces a major decline in charitable donations.