SlashNOT

Matthew writes: The Department of Homeland Security has announced a new critical vulnerability in all versions of Pepsi, including Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, and the critical Mountain Dew developer support platform.

The flaw is essentially an authentication vulnerability that allows hackers to determine the Pepsi-iTunes song give-away code without properly authenticating with the bottle cap lid through the purchase mechanism.

The vulnerability was originally thought merely to be a code-scanning technique in which vulnerable Pepsi bottle caps with the code could be identified, but it has now been confirmed that the codes can be surreptitiously discovered through a hand-shaking technique and careful scrutiny from outside the plastic bottle perimeter.

Up to 100 million bottles of Pepsi are potentially vulnerable to the hack, according to the bevhacking group 0ski11z, who discovered the exploit.

Pepsi drinkers are advised to avoid popular beverage vendors and sites frequented by teenagers until the bottles can be patched. Bottled sodas dispensed from vending machines are not vulnerable to the exploit.

Mearzuh writes: AOL and Earthlink have joined forces in the battle to sue 531 persons who they believe are illegally swapping email spam.

The companies are accusing the defendents of illegally sharing and downloading spam using free host-to-server POP3 software such as Microsoft Outlook and IncrediMail. “These people were caught downloading as many as 250 million spam messages in the last month alone,” said an AOL spokesperson,” and we cannot allow this in a capitalist society. Because of these people, spam solicitors had lost revenue and had to send out 35 million more messages per week, to make up for the loss. We cannot let things go on like that.”

Next on the list of AOL are bigger spam-swapping websites such as Yahoo and Microsoft’s Hotmail. When asked whether AOL and Earthlink themselves would be on this list, the two companies could not be reached for comment.

Matthew writes: IT Technicians successfully removed the 2nd CPU from a new Dell Workstation Friday afternoon. The Dell Workstation, purchased January 22nd in Vallejo, California, was delivered with a second CPU and had a motherboard with two processor slots. Dual processor workstations are a rare but not unheard of configuration.

“The Computer had two CPUs, and two processor sockets. But the two CPUs shared memory and all of the peripherals. The concern of course is that the second processor would steal power and memory bandwidth from the primary processor, which of course necessitated its removal.” Said A+ certified IT Technician Rudy Wilson. “We had to jumper some contacts as well to ensure proper operation. It’s a delicate operation.”

Technicians subsequently booted the computer and have verified that it is properly operating.

“I’m so thankful that everything worked out correctly. Now my computer has a chance at normal operation.”

Matthew writes: LeftOut!, the left-handed rights organization recently placed on the Department of Homeland Security’s list of terror organizations and famous for blackmailing and then exposing the manual preference of members of Congress, has claimed responsibility for creating the MyDoom Trojan horse.

“We targeted Microsoft because they have ignored our demands that they create either an ambidextrous or left-handed version of their Bluetooth wireless mouse. We will continue to take such actions against the fascist Right and their crony companies until the Manually Differentiated can live in peace and equality.”

He indicated that the targeting of SCO was purely for test purposes because they figured that nobody would care.

Steve Davis writes: NASA officials report that an official letter from martian canine authorities has been found on the windshield of Mars Rover. Martians are demanding a fee to release Beagle2 from the Esidis Crater pound.

Nothing has been heard from Beagle2 since it landed on Mars some time ago and while officials feared it was lost, the unexpected official letter confirms that it had been captured while roaming the canals.

“We obviously didn’t realise that Beagle2 had to be registered or we would have taken all possible steps to fill the proper forms” mission director Miroslav Ogenski said as he read the letter.

Unsure how they are going to come up with Martian currency, much less get it to Mars within the 7 day deadline, officials fear Beagle2 may be put down, or worse, be used for some sort of research.

Michael writes: After successfully tracking Santa Claus during his Christmas travels this year, the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) has announced that they will expand their tracking facilities to cover other holiday mascots.

“Our new tracking system, launching in 2004, will track the Easter Bunny, Cupid, and several others. We expect this to help our continuing NORAD is Not Scary campaign. In addition, these holiday characters frequently act with a disdain for border and airspace laws, and knowing their whereabouts is critical for the security of the continent,” said a NORAD spokesman.

The Defense Command will begin their new program by tracking Baby New Year next week. “We are hoping to track other mythical characters, including the Tooth Fairy and the Man in the Moon, but this will be difficult since they are active on more than one day of the year.”

BREAKING NEWS: SlashNOT has obtained exclusive photographs that appear to show Christmas spokesman Santa Claus trapped in a high-tech prison of some kind.

Santa is being held by an unknown Japanese organization. The criminals have published a list of demands for Santa’s safe return, but US authorities have not yet obtained a translation. An independent investigation is ongoing at MetaFilter.

Moondog writes:

reinhard gantar writes:

In today’s press conference Darl McBride, the controversial SCO-chief (NASDAQ:SCOC) and high-profile Microsoft (NASDAQ:MSFT) ventriloquist act, announced a change in his medication. “I never liked Xanax” he disclosed, and: “My doctor said I’m ready for a more light-weight approach. Zoloft is the way to go.”

Wall Street responded to the news by adding 1 1/8 to SCO’s stock, recovering from last week’s slump to 3 1/2 after an industry anlalyst made dispising comments on McBrides alleged crack-addiction on CNN’s Moneyline.

The CEO finished his speech by pointing imaginary guns at the audience, shouting: “Pch! Pch! My neurologist is way cooler than yours! No side-effects! Promised! Pch!”

Matthew writes: CEO of Symantec Corporation John W. Thompson raised a champagne glass with CEO of Network Associates George Samenuk, maker of McAffee anti-virus software, in celebration of the 20th Anniversiary of the computer virus at the recent Computer Security Conference in Washington D.C.

“We’ve come a long way since Pakistani Brain [The first virus for the PC], that’s for sure, said Mr. Thompson. Man, do you remember the Stoned virus, or Friday the 13th? Those were the days. Man, those viruses were great. By great, I mean novel and particularly virulent.”

“Yeah, but the days ahead are even more promising—from an anti-virus perspective of course. We’ve got a solid business model established, and thanks to now constant outbreaks, every desktop absolutely must have Anti-virus software. It’s not just for the idiots who open every e-mail they get or click “yes” every time a dialog pops up on the web anymore. And don’t get me started on Microsoft Outlook. Man I love that app.”

“So here’s to 20 years of the virus, and many more to come. Hopefully, somehow, we might eradicate them forever, but who knows? I kind of doubt it.”