Posted by Matthew on Friday May 26, 2006 @08:54PM
from the unknown dept.
Mearzuh writes: We have all heard of the latest and greatest products by the major players in this field; Microsoft with its XBOX 360, Nintendo with it’s Wii, and of course Sony with its PS3. Now Apple, Inc wants a piece of the apple pie, and enters the gaming market with its gaming console called Shoe.
To this day, enthusiasts have been sitting in front of the TV when playing games. The only physical action they got to see was those of their thumbs working the controller. Nintendo was about to change that with it’s Wii console by engaging the players to move a little more. From thumbs we then went to wrists and arms. That, still, was not enough for Apple. What results is The Shoe.
The Shoe console is simple but brilliant. Debuting alongside it is only one game, called Runnin’. The goal of this game is to get off your lazy butt as much as you can, and run around wherever for a predetermined amount of time. The graphics are as close to real-life as you can get, and the rumble pack makes the pavement or gravel easily distinguishable when on the move. The added effects of being able to feel the light breeze or smell the BBQ of a park you may play Shoe in makes it irresistable.
But perhaps the most irresistable aspect of this console is its price. At $ 29, you too can be up and Runnin’ in no time.
P.S.: I would like to thank SlashNOT and the visitors that have honored me with the title of Contributor of the Year 2005. I did not find out about this until today. My stories were absent for a few months due to life, but now I’m back, and will try to provide you with laughs and giggles the best I can.
Posted by Matthew on Tuesday May 9, 2006 @09:47PM
from the Smighty-Mouse dept.
matthew writes: Zheng Cui, M.D., Ph.D., the director of research at Wake Forest University, has relinquished his position over his distress at the discovery of a mouse with natural resistance to even the most virulent forms of Cancer.
“You have to understand. I’ve spent forty years—four decades—studying cancer. I know even the most esoteric details about the propagation of cancer and the defensive mechanisms that the body normally supports. I’ve created and tested hundreds of theories and hypotheses and performed hundreds of thousands of experiments in search of a mechanism to defeat this most vicious of human diseases.”
“And then this damned mouse mutates, and voila! All my work is for naught. I could simply have been a rat breeder and made this discovery. Furthermore, because he’s a lab mouse, he’s a near exact clone of his parents, so isolating the genes that confer this protection against cancer were obvious.”
“So, my work is done. Stupid mouse.”
Posted by Matthew on Tuesday May 2, 2006 @12:29PM
from the booxploitation dept.
Matthew writes: Kaavya Viswanathan’s book, “How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life” has already been eviscerated for containing obviously plagiarized passages from Megan McAfferty’s two books “Sloppy Firsts” and “Second Helpings” , and from the novel “Can You Keep a Secret?” by Sophie Kinsella. Kaavya had worked with a “Book Packager” who used ghost writers and editors to rewrite her work and shopped it to various publishers.
It now appears that Miss Viswanathan’s book may have plagiarized even more content from the satire website “SlashNOT”. For example, the book uses the phrases:
“I don’t think he…” from the SlashNOT short “Man with robotic arms goes on Rampage”
“…your car. The…” taken from “10th Planet revealed to be Death Star”
“…looks a lot like…” taken from “Yahoo! does walk of shame”
Furthermore, the mysterious male object of desire in Kaavya’s book has dark eyes and a scar on his left hand, just like the protagonist of “Cheetah the chimpanzee turns 74, demands universal health care for apes”</ p>
Matthew, editor of SlashNOT, had this to say: “It’s baffling, and a little sad. I just hope she gets the help she needs. I guess kids these days don’t realize that all the words have been used up– especially the 2500 words that the average 14 year old understands. I just feel badly for her.”</ p>
Posted by Matthew on Monday May 1, 2006 @08:20PM
from the just-add-fuel dept.
Matthew writes: Infamous satire website SlashNOT has announced the immediate availability of it’s Arabic Edition. SlashNOT Arabic language editor Ateb Elgoog announced the new site:
“Society in the Arab world have always talked resident visual techniques front, especially when translated Especially when turning the machine. We extend our armament fraternity to our friends in the Arab world And inviting them to participate in the funny and its bounty. ” “
Posted by Matthew on Friday April 14, 2006 @06:44PM
from the can't-find-a-better-man dept.
matthew writes: In a prepared statement to the press, the Chief of Scotland Yard announced today that most serious criminal investigations would be outsourced to the 1980 hit cartoon superheroes “The Thundercats“.
“In the good old days, Scotland Yard had a superlative reputation for unmasking pilferers, brigands, bandits, pirates, scofflaws, delinquents, and other such villains, usually in cases connected to the pilferage of the Crown Jewels or other such noteworthy icons of peerage.”
“We never sullied our reputation with cases involving prostitutes, kidnappers, commoners, or the Welsh. For it was well known in those days that if a street urchin or two disappeared that they had probably been impressed into the service of a band of brigands or a pirate. Inevitably, the shanghaied rapscallions would ingratiate themselves into the good graces of their felonious patron and end up becoming a master thief and captain of the enterprise, affording them both the wealth and the opportunity to return to the place of their youth in retirement.”
“These days, parents apparently expect their children returned post-haste. Frankly, we’re not that good at crimes that may take less than a decade to resolve, so we’re outsourcing serious crimes to the Thundercats. Rest assured, however, that the Yard would still lead any and all investigations involving rarities stolen from museums.”
Posted by Matthew on Monday February 27, 2006 @12:25PM
from the seeing-is-believing dept.
Paul writes: Jesus Christ has announced that he will begin appearing in High Definition to selected believers throughout the country, and expects to roll out Christendom-wide High Definition experiences by 2013. Christsumers have responded enthusiastically to the new format, although there has been some concern about unauthorized spreading of the gospel in High Definition with devices such as Belivo.
“We just love our new High Definition church,” exclaims flock member Steven Hightower. “It was really hard to make out Christ in our visions before. I mean, we’d squint, and you could kind of tell it was him, but it was nothing like HD. He totally pops now. It’s just like Heaven!”
“That’s right,” says his wife Judith, “Or old pastor was really tinny when he beseeched into his microphone and at our new church, we just feel like we’re surround-sounded by the spirit. Plus I don’t get ostracized for wearing bare-midriff tops and my navel ring. And their rock band is totally better than the old hymn-singing fogies at our last church. We really feel like we’re getting our tithe’s worth now.”
Posted by Matthew on Friday February 3, 2006 @12:42AM
from the craven-cowardice dept.
Matthew writes: We’re back from producing the Best of SlashNOT!–It’s being published as we speak and will be available soon. As you can see, the satirical onslaught has resumed.
I would like to take a moment to speak about something very serious going on in the world of Satire. Recently, a Danish newspaper published some (frankly not funny) cartoons that pictured the prophet Mohammed (PBUH). I would like to state categorically that SlashNOT would never stoop to satirizing a religion adhered to by people who might find out where we live and kill us, and we do this out of respect for our own lives. That’s why we adhere to a policy of only satirizing Mormons.
Posted by Matthew on Tuesday November 8, 2005 @10:28AM
from the imaginot-line dept.
Matthew writes: Seeking to quell twelve consecutive nights of rioting, French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin has offered an unconditional surrender to whoever will accept it.
“We have done our part, we have offered this olive branch. But there seems to be nobody in charge of this army of youths. We cannot determine to whom we should surrender. It’s a unique situation.”
“We are advising French citizens to stay indoors, say goodbye to your cars, and wait until the rioting has become organized enough to show signs of a hierarchical organization. This may take another week or two. Once a strong-man has appeared, or at least a media spokesperson, the government is prepared to surrender unconditionally.”
Posted by Matthew on Sunday November 6, 2005 @12:00PM
from the wayforward-machine dept.
Reinhard Gantar writes:
- Motorcar Publishers Association of America Sues Nanopster Over Car-Sharing
- Duke Nukem Rollout Delayed to Q4 2098
- Bill Gates-Sighting at Vegas-Hotel: Long Fingernails, Long Beard, Paranoid
- Redmond-Gate: CEO Linus Torvalds Faces 15 Years in Low-Earth Orbit
- Pimp Up Your ANSI-Compliant Sex-Surrogate
- Ask Slashdot: Best Telepathy-Implant for Geeks?
- Nanomatics-CEO Smears Open Spores as “Doubleplusungood”
- Paula Graham: The Case For Lisp
- Hurricane Zeta Tracked to Romanian Weatherpunk
- Windows QOQ Fails Turing-Test — Again
Posted by Matthew on Sunday November 6, 2005 @11:59AM
from the wayback-machine dept.
Reinhard Gantar writes:
- Morse In Your Questions For Jules Verne
- How To Electrify Your Home For 20 Bucks
- Sheet Music Publishers Assiciaton of America Sues Edison Over “Phonograph”
- Michelson And Morley Screw Up Luminiferous Ether Experiment Pretty Good
- Italian Geek Transmits Signal Without Wires
- “Alternating Current” — Just A Pile of Hyperbole?
- Ask Slashdot: How to Recover From Modernist Shock?
- Gothic Novels Not Eroding Society, Scientists Say
- Lighter-Than-Air-Flight vs. Heavier-Than-Air-Flight Controversy Rages On And On And On
- Crazy Psychic Predicts Geeks’ Epic Battle Against Evil Empire, Finnish Saviour