SlashNOT » Netscape

Mozilla inconsolable after Apple chooses Konquerer

Matthew — Tue, 14 Jan 2003 15:19:40 +0000

Matthew writes: Friends of Mozilla have reported that the browser’s recent seclusion and binge browsing is due to Apple’s selection of the Konquerer engine for their Safari web browser.

“I just don’t know what happened.” Sobbed an inconsolable Mozilla to close friend NetScape Navigator. “I mean, things were going so well in the evaluation phase. I’m so stupid–I didn’t even know Apple was testing Konquerer behind my back. What is so wrong with me? I know I’m bloated and a bit slower than Konquerer, but I’ve got real depth and a lot more personality.”

When questioned about Mozilla, Apple stated that Mozilla was a great friend and would always be invited to run on the platform, and that Apple was always there to help with compatibility problems. “Hey, who knows, with the serious profiling maybe Mozilla could trim down a bit and we’d give things a second chance. But for now, we’re with Konquerer.”

Mozilla adds security holes

Michael — Thu, 07 Nov 2002 02:23:25 +0000

Squid writes: The Mozilla Project, Netscape’s open-source underdog browser, announced six new security holes today. According to their press release, “These new security holes should go a long way toward closing the gap between Mozilla and Internet Explorer.”

This is just part of the Mozilla Project’s plan to become a serious competitor for IE. “Along with many more bugs and security flaws, we plan to add features that make it impossible to remove Mozilla from a computer,” according to a source within the project. Microsoft is not worried: “Thanks to ActiveX and a tighter integration with Windows, no software can match the insecurity of Internet Explorer,” said a Microsoft spokesman. “Except perhaps IIS.”

Brian Wilson hailed as only person to pay retail for browser

Matthew — Wed, 02 Oct 2002 01:17:25 +0000

Matthew writes: Brian Wilson, a Pensacola FL resident, was hailed today by the World Wide Web Consortium as the only person to have ever paid retail price for a web browser.
“Well, It was 1997 I think–maybe 96. I was in CompUSA, and there was this thing called Netscape Navigator 4 in a box on the shelf. I looked at the cool wheel and the ship sailing through space, and I thought, damn, this web thingy must be pretty cool. So yeah, I bought it. I paid 69.95. Of course, once I got on I found out that everyone else downloaded it for free or used Internet Explorer, but I was still happy. I’ve got the manual. Who else has that?”
“I also bought NetScape at 135. Ten Shares. Now the lot of them [as converted AOL/Time Warner stock] are worth 1.14. But hey, I’ve got the stock certificates.”
Marc Andreesen, Chief designer of NetScape Navigator and inventor of the flashing text HTML tag, thanked Mr. Wilson personally. “Mr. Wilson, had there been another few hundred million like you, I wouldn’t have had to sell out.”

Microsoft Internet Explorer 6.0 vs. Mozilla 1.0 Benchmarks

Matthew — Fri, 23 Aug 2002 17:52:18 +0000

Submission by Cpt. Tako

Bob’s software review’s contains this report on the performance comparison of the two heavyweight browsers. “Unfortunately, Mozilla doesn’t quite make the grade. With pop-ups disabled,
the average browser spent 45 minutes less time browsing for porn, and
frequently could not acheive climax.”