Nintendo's Wii Theme Song

Posted by Matthew on Wednesday May 10, 2006 @10:23AM

from the Wii-won't-rock-you dept.


Erik Cornelius writes: After deciding that their Revolution console should be renamed to Wii, Nintendo has created quite a stir in the gamer community. In response to the renaming, some indie songwriters have created a theme song to ridicule the change. Based on “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by the Tokens, “A Wii to Play” chronicles the horrified reaction of many a hardcore gamer.

The numbers game

Posted by Matthew on Monday June 6, 2005 @12:06PM

from the Our-numbers-are-better-than-yours dept.


Mongooseman writes: Shock erupted yesterday as panicking Sony bosses decided to rename the forthcoming PS3 as the PS361. A spokesman said “With Microsoft moving to 360, we felt that we needed to emphasize our machine more; going to 361 helps us maintain that edge.”

More shock followed as stunned Microsoft executives held an emergency meeting and decided to shift the new Xbox even further. Bill Gates announcted that evening that the name has been changed to the Xbox 587.

Sony have been in talks and are expected to announce a quick shift to a new number later today; rumours say it is going to be around 786.

Risk players explain modern International politics

Posted by Matthew on Sunday February 20, 2005 @01:16PM

from the risk-takers dept.


Matthew writes: Alan Firth, an aficionado of Risk, parker brother’s board game of world domination, revealed his puzzlement at the history of the real world.

“When you look at history, and then you model national power dynamics using Risk, it’s exceptionally difficult to understand how Western Europe came to dominate the world colonially in the 18th and 19th centuries. Anyone who has ever played Risk and attempted a European power base just gets destroyed immediately. By any normal assessment, it should be Australia, or maybe South America that would eventually dominate the world.”¯

Brian Gilbert, a competitor at the Risk nationals, disagreed. “Firth’s study of the problem mistakenly assumes that a single player is attempting to spread influence from a unified Europe, which does not accurately model the history. If three or four players stacked all their armies in Europe at the beginning of the game, you’d see that rather than going head to head immediately, they would first attempt to gain continents elsewhere, such as North and South America, Africa, Asia, and Australia. Only after they had split up the relatively unprotected continents in order to gain armies and cards would they go head to head in Europe. The resulting destruction would allow other marginalized players to re-conquer lost territories outside of Europe while the dominant player in Europe struggled to unify it in order to reclaim some of it’s lost power before the end-game–which is exactly what you see happening now.”

“It’s simple, really. Alan is just not that good of a player.”

Doom3 Boardgame hacked

Posted by Matthew on Tuesday February 1, 2005 @06:26PM

from the old-school-hacks dept.


Matthew writes: As with most games, the recently released Doom3 board game has become the subject of intense hacking activity.

The first handful of hacks announced are a desk-lamp hack, which is virtually required to make the game playable after about 6:00 p.m, and the carddeck clip-size hack which increases the number of cards available to players by merging components from two copies of the game. Other major hacks are the WWII green army men hack, the introduction of a new supreme enemy “Winky the Cat”, and the rubber-band gun uberweapon.

Players have also noted that the game is being intensely traded on the notorious crapsharing site

Drunk Driv3r arrested

Posted by Matthew on Friday December 31, 2004 @03:16PM

from the zero-tolerance dept.


Matthew writes: Agents for Atari have arrested Scott Jones, a reviewer for, was arrested today for reviewing the Atari title DRIV3R while intoxicated.

Mr. Jones offered little resistance, having been arrested early Saturday morning after a night of drinking and reviewing Need for Speed: Underground 2 for PC. He was found hungover and wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. Agents took him into custody and transferred him to Atari’s French parent company Infogrammes, which runs an island prison complex on Corsica, where some game critics have been held for years without formal legal proceedings.

LAN party invaded by actual party

Posted by Matthew on Monday October 25, 2004 @10:45PM

from the juxtaposse dept.


Matthew writes: A LAN party setup to play DOOM 3 last Friday was interrupted during level 4 by the arrival an actual party, when party host Alan Frikes’ younger sister Amy arrived home with four of her friends, all in an inebriated state.

Gamer D3V10Us (aka Sanjay Singh) reported the incident for SlashNOT. “The females in question arrived at approximately 0200 hours. We were knee-deep in the cacodemons at the time, and burning through fusion rounds faster than we could find electropaks. Suddenly, four female humans burst through the door. The actual door. Gordo was so into the game that he fell off his chair. They were laughing, somewhat drunk, and looking to par-tay. Alan was pissed, let me tell you, because he got fragged by a zombie marine almost immediately. But then Amy’s friend Janny, upon whom Alan has been power crushing since High School, sat on his lap—breaking his N-way force feedback controller—and asked him what he would play with if he had a choice. I never saw that dude shut up so fast in my life.”

“Anyway, to make a long story short, the Sanjmaster acquired the digits of one hottie Miss Tina Yalpers, who will shortly be introduced to the dual physical nature of this astrophysics undergrad.”

Rockstar releases Grand Theft Videogame

Posted by Matthew on Sunday October 24, 2004 @11:00PM

from the Karma- dept.


Matthew writes: Rockstar entertainment, makers of the highly successful Grand Theft Auto franchise, have released another in their series of violence drenched law flaunting video games called Grand Theft Videogame.

In GTV, the player plays a hacker whose goal is to break into a fictitious game development company, steal a pre-release video game, and release it on the Internet. Interspersed with scenic story elements and featuring the same mobsters and prostitutes side story, GTV features two interactive modes: One where the character travels on foot in 1st person POV, and another where the player operates various computer devices in the quest to hack.

Doom3 “ultra-mode” bloodcooling case mod

Posted by Matthew on Sunday August 29, 2004 @10:07PM

from the precious-bodily-fluids dept.


Matthew writes: Hardcore gamers have found a hack for Doom3 that enables true “ultra mode” processing at 1600×1200 pixels with all video enhancements on, but the mode requires more processing power than even a water-cooled over-clocked nVidia 6800 ultra can deliver. Fortunately, gamers have found a heat-sink capable of handling the load: The human body.

To perform the mod, connect an intravenous catheter to the water block of your video adapter’s chipset cooler (be sure to completely drain the coolant). Don’t worry about connecting the water pump—your heart will do the pumping. You’ll draw in heated blood from the chipset and provide cooled body temperature blood to it. The heated blood causes an increase in body temperature (feels like a fever) that causes profuse sweating, which subsequently lowers body temperature. Essentially, your entire body is turned into a heat sink for the video processor. Use a hurricane fan to cool your body or play in an air-conditioned room, and drink plenty of fluids.

Players average a body temperature of about 102 degrees while playing. It’s especially important to monitor body temperature closely however, as temperatures above 103F for extended periods can cause brain damage, and there have been reports of players becoming comatose or entering into a zombie-like state due to heat stroke.

Geek becomes Dork

Posted by Matthew on Wednesday August 11, 2004 @06:38PM

from the Toto-I-don't-think-we're-in-Oz-anymore dept.


Matthew writes: Salt Lake area High School Junior Martin Steck graduated from geekdom to dorkdom last Friday when he recounted his expoits while playing the World War II themed first-person shooter “Call of Duty” as if they had actually happened to him during class.

“Man, it was so damned cool. So I’m playing Russian Junior Sergant Alexi Voronin during the siege of Stalingrad, you know, that battle that the movie “Enemy at the Gate” is based on? Anyway, I was holed up in this bombed out apartment complex awaiting re-enforcements. Jerries were coming out of the woodwork, and I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make it, when I hit on the idea of hiding in the bathroom. I could hear the screams of my comrades being dispatched, but the Germans couldn’t find me until I stepped out and then back in. But man, they were on me like roaches after that. I backed up into the bathroom and just started unloading with an MP40 I’d taken off of a German officer two floors down. Bodies were piling up like you wouldn’t believe. I was grabbing medpacks and ammunition off the dead bodies to kill the new ones coming in! Anyway, after killing about twelve of them, they stopped coming. I ventured out, and it turned out that I’d cleared the entire apartment complex! Sadly, I was the only Russian left, but hey, it was a brilliant strategy.”

Former close friend Alan “The Roach” Roche lamented the loss. “I just couldn’t hang out with him in good conscience after that. I guess he doesn’t realize that the game plays the same way for everyone or something, or that the cool kids don’t play first-person shooters and wouldn’t understand his visceral reaction he had, or what visceral even means. Maybe he’d never seen a first-person shooter before. I don’t know. But I can’t be stigmatized any more than I already am by hanging out with that much of a dork.”

Id releases Dance Dance Quake Arena

Posted by Matthew on Friday May 28, 2004 @01:07AM

from the you-put-your-left-foot-in dept.


Matthew writes: Responding to increasing media cacophony that video games and soda create a lethal lethargy that is making the nation obese, Id software has released “Dance Dance Quake Arena“.

DDQA uses the dance pad from the popular Dance Dance Revolution game to control first person combat. In order to move foreward in the game, players must alternate footstepts on the two primary feet pads. To turn left or right, the player jumps to that direction and then back to center. Jumping up is accomplished by jumping on both center foot pads simultaneously, and moving backwards is accomplished by alternating footsteps on the back footpads.

Firing, aiming, and switching weapons is accomplished using traditional mouse movements, but Id recommends using a gyroscopic mouse. Id is creating a wireless gyroscopic mouse shaped like a rail gun specifically for DDQA.

Beta testers have noted increased heart rates and improved immersion in the game, with an average weight loss of two pounds per level.