SlashNOT

matthew writes: In a prepared statement to the press, the Chief of Scotland Yard announced today that most serious criminal investigations would be outsourced to the 1980 hit cartoon superheroes “The Thundercats“.

“In the good old days, Scotland Yard had a superlative reputation for unmasking pilferers, brigands, bandits, pirates, scofflaws, delinquents, and other such villains, usually in cases connected to the pilferage of the Crown Jewels or other such noteworthy icons of peerage.”

“We never sullied our reputation with cases involving prostitutes, kidnappers, commoners, or the Welsh. For it was well known in those days that if a street urchin or two disappeared that they had probably been impressed into the service of a band of brigands or a pirate. Inevitably, the shanghaied rapscallions would ingratiate themselves into the good graces of their felonious patron and end up becoming a master thief and captain of the enterprise, affording them both the wealth and the opportunity to return to the place of their youth in retirement.”

“These days, parents apparently expect their children returned post-haste. Frankly, we’re not that good at crimes that may take less than a decade to resolve, so we’re outsourcing serious crimes to the Thundercats. Rest assured, however, that the Yard would still lead any and all investigations involving rarities stolen from museums.”