SlashNOT

Matthew writes: As the president of the American Society of Website Critics, I would like to offer the following free analysis of the fictional content of your website. Please use this critical analysis in the spirit it was intended—to assist you in improving the believability of your story, thus enhancing the experience for your intended audience.

The female lead was billed as a teenager; she clearly was not. Casting is key—actors must match the age, race, stereotype, and style of the fictional character. You can’t cast Cher as a high-school cheerleader, for example.

The plot did not seem particularly believable—nobody would order a cheese pizza with no other toppings. Cheese pizzas only exist for some sort of tax reason. It would not have significantly impacted the production budget to have included pepperoni, and may have made the subsequent frame somewhat more believable.

What are the female lead’s motivations in frame 5? In frame 4, she seems shocked—there is no effective transition here.

The sudden appearance of a supporting male actor in frame 7 was unexplained. Who is this new character? What are his motivations? Why would I as a reader care about him? It does not seem economically competitive to use two employees to deliver pizza—this smacks of melodrama.

The story lacks an effective ending. Do the male and female lead live happily ever after? Do they ever meet in Paris? Or does he simply continue making his deliveries? What becomes of the supporting male actor—the mysterious person whose face we never see?

With some additional transitions, a little more character development, and some additional polishing you’d have a photoplay worth the $ 3.95 access charge. Good luck!