SlashNOT

Matthew writes: NASA’s successful Deep Impact mission to strike comet Tempel 1 with an impactor spacecraft has successfully changed the agency’s fortunes going forward.

The space agency, which has been consulting with astrologists since the crash of the Columbia, has improved its chances of a successful return to flight by altering the path of Tempel 1.

Deep Impact project manager Rick Grammier explains: “As Tempel 1 moved through the house of Virgo, it cast a less-than-fortuitous aura over the return-to-flight mission. After much consultation with our astrologers, we discovered that a slight 1.5 degree change in declination as it swung around the sun would dramatically improve the astrological auspices for the mission. So we faked up some science we could do at the same time and initiated the Deep Impact mission.”

To improve fortunes for the subsequent shuttle flights, NASA will attempt to change the orbit of the asteroid 1950DA by 0.03 degrees using nuclear warheads in a mission code named Armageddon.