SlashNOT

DiabolicAl writes: OSDN SERVER ROOM– The wartorn realm of journalistic relevance experienced further upheaval this morning when the internet address once known as “digital Nerdvana” suffered a content crash. Famed bastion of integrity SlashDot was rendered completely unuseful when alleged superuser and self-proclaimed Aeka groupie CmdrTaco approved the submission “North Korea Admits to Having Nuclear Weapons“. The alleged news item somehow flipped the stupid bit on every 30 year old virgin/cyborg in the Northern Hemisphere, and when the dust cleared, the carnage was unmistakable. Page after page of half-baked ideas, unsolicited opinions, and unintelligible sonnets on Natalie Portman littered the screen. “I logged in to submit a request for someone to do my work for me and proceeded to the front page” said one culprit, Milton, who declined to give his full name for fear that his mom would kick him out of her basement for interrupting his job search. “The top item said something about North Korea. All of a sudden I felt strangely drawn to completely reveal my utter ignorance of world affairs by posting a 3 page rant. I guess the moderators scrolled down to the “Click here to read more” link, threw up their hands, and modded me +5.”

Chaos reigned as the user-submission interface was brought forcibly to its knees and made to textually gratify Earth’s most repellent sect, after which it vomited into its own angst-riddled self-absorbed journals that no one of importance holds in any regard. “In my daily search for pure and untainted enlightenment, I am usually satisfied by the first post” remarked corporate cash hemmorage Johnny Bangmouse. “I was completely caught offguard, just like when my wife called after her 3 month vacation alone in Jamaica to tell me we were through.” The discussion degenerated at the second level of thread, an unprecedented but not unpredictable speed. “As soon as the topic hit the front page, I googled the word ‘Nazi’ on it” said professional SlashDot monitor and unemployed telephone support technician Joe L00zer. “I had hits before the 100 post mark.”

When asked why he grabbed the red phone, CmdrTaco grinned. “I got sick of seeing JonKatz’s name in the Hall of Fame” he said. “Everyone complains that every poster except himself is a troll, but they’re missing the point. There is one troll to rule them all, one very big troll, and his name parses like HmdrWacko.” CmdrTaco waved off further queries, claiming he had to do “fail his saving throw versus Bigby’s Clenched Fist of Pleasure”.

No numbered SlashDot users contributed to this report.