SlashNOT

Matthew writes: A Petri Dish containing a grown-to-purpose rat brain that had been taught to control an F-22 Raptor Fighter Jet has escaped from the laboratory where it was grown and trained, and has stolen a prototype F-22 from the Lockheed Martin’s Palmdale CA facility.

Details are sketchy, but it appears that the Petri Dish Brain figured out how to shutdown the flight simulator on the Windows-based computer that it was connected to, and then infiltrated the laboratory e-mail system to forge an e-mail instructing a technician to pack it for shipment. It then used the UPS Click-to-Ship website to have itself picked up from the lab and express shipped to Palmdale, where it arrived along with complete instructions for its integration into a prototype F-22. Technicians at Lockheed believed the shipping instructions and integrated it with the prototype F-22 upon arrival.

“It was like the thing just came to life.” Said Lockheed advanced robotics engineer Rachelle Wirth. “As soon as we powered it up, it started cycling the aviation lights. Then the thing just backed up, knocking one technician off of a ladder, taxied out, and took off. We haven’t seen it since.”

Dr. DeMarse, the scientist who developed the brain-on-a-dish, had this to say: “In retrospect, interfacing the dish directly to a computer keyboard to control the flight simulator may have been a mistake. That allowed the dish wide access to the entire computer.”

“And, since we’re armchair quarterbacking this incident, it may also have been a mistake to teach it how to control the world’s most advanced fighting machine. But of course, that’s more obvious in hindsight.”

Spurious IFF signals from an aircraft reporting itself as RATT have been intercepted by Norad flying out of U.S. Airspace.