German Ubermensch developed—er, born
Posted by Matthew on Saturday June 26, 2004 @09:12PM
from the Damn-good-thing-this-didn't-happen-80-years-ago dept.
Matthew writes: A German toddler born four years ago develops twice the muscle mass and half the fat as a normal toddler. He has inherited two defective genes that block the production of myostatin, a protein that interferes with muscle development in Humans.
The two defective genes also serve to block the development of the human isospectral retinoglobin, a protein that expands the spectrum detectible by the eye through the ultraviolet and into the x-ray spectrum, and promotes the production of exodermic keratinase which causes extremely tough skin similar to that of an armadillo. The genes are also suspected factors in the diseases elastioligamentosis (extreme elasticity of the ligaments which allows extreme high jumping and the ability to survive falls from great heights) and chirostrontiotrophy, whose sufferers develop extrememly strong and heavy bones because they absorb strontium (a molecular calcium mimic) rather than true calcium into their bones.
Doctors have been monitoring the German uberkind since birth for signs of ill effects, but so far say that he is developing normally except for his penchant for moving parked vehicles around to confuse their owners.
Subject:No Subject Given
Jesus fucking christ, doesn't anybody post here anymore?
Comment by Jesus — July 6, 2004 @ 11:55 am
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i'll post for you
Comment by Anonymous Poster — July 8, 2004 @ 5:57 am
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I'll post too… This just might catch on!
Comment by QT — July 8, 2004 @ 12:24 pm
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I'll post too.
Comment by eagle8635 — July 13, 2004 @ 10:50 pm
Subject:Well, Hell.
I'll post something. First time on the site, looks like some guy named mat_hew is doing all the posting, and everybody else whines.
In a related story, scientists have discovered a hitherto untapped energy resource that outstrips even the apparently limitless angst-driven energy of teenage.. um.. nerds.
It turns out that the whine of sub-human, post-teen, socially dysfunctional posters [hereafter called lamers] to the site “www.slashnot.com,” produce a energy stream that is orders of magnitude greater than any previously known source.
Film at 11:00
Comment by Tyrone Shoes — July 22, 2004 @ 10:38 pm
Subject:Re: Well, Hell.
Hey, perhaps SlashNOT! should specifically market to lamers, and attempt to become >>the< < lamer hangout on the web.
Comment by Matthew — July 29, 2004 @ 10:53 pm
Subject:Re: Well, Hell.
I was going to say something scathingly sarcastic, but then what would I do with the excess energy? Spontaneously combust?
Just noticed the image of Bill Gates as a Borg. Good stuff, keep up the good work.
Comment by Tyrone Shoes — July 30, 2004 @ 2:58 pm
Subject:Re: Well, Hell.
Um, that's not us, that's from the site we're parodying, Slashdot. Alas.
Comment by Matthew — August 2, 2004 @ 11:27 pm
Subject:Re: Well, Hell.
My bad. I'd never actually been to that site. I have now perused it and am of the opinion that it pales in comparison. I did find one thing funny though, the link to sites that use slash dot code http://www.slashcode.com/sites.pl
Comment by TryoneShoes — August 7, 2004 @ 8:52 am