SlashNOT

Nathan Dykman writes: In a stunning move, a large group of Linux users have decided that in order to “protect the purity and sanctity of Linux, the most holy of codes”, a new church containing “only the truest of believers” must be formed immediately to combat the forces of evil in “our final days.”

“When the Antichrist has revealed himself unto us and the final battle draws neigh, the faithful must gather together and prepare to fight”, said Frank Coventry, spokesperson for the new “True Church of Linux”.

Church members believe that the lawsuit brought by SCO against IBM and other Linux vendors has shown that the “Antichrist” is none other than Darl McBride, CEO of SCO.

“His highest servant”, later revealed as Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, “failed to stop us. So now, the dark one himself is with us, and we shall once again prevail over him”.

Church members noted that there are other forces against them. “Those who have polluted Linux in the name of user-friendliness have allowed the unbelievers to foul and profane the once glorious OS we worshipped”, said one member who only identified himself as punkbust12.

Another member noted “Those who blaspheme against the command line, who can not grasp the glory of inetd.conf, the rapture of sendmail; it is these heathen lusers that too many have slavishly appeased. No more. They are not worthy of the awesome beauty and healing grace of /dev/proc. KDE Sucks. GNOME too. [sic]” KDE and GNOME are popular windowing environments for Linux.

It is rumored that some in the church frevently believe that Linus Torvalds, the creator of Linux, will reveal himself to be none other than the savior himself. One member, who asked not to be named, noted that “Linus and Jesus do kind of sound alike.”

When asked to comment, Torvalds refused, saying only “I’m not wasting my time answering that bunch of stark raving loonies” also muttering “The nerve of some people”.

The SCO lawsuit claims that IBM and others have violated their copyrights on Unix. Some at SCO believe that IBM, HP and other major companies have ruined SCOs ability to do business by giving away software that is very similar to what they sell. SCO’s claims have raised the ire of many Linux users.

Experts note that it is clear that the lawsuit is a first for the software industry. “Certainly, I can’t think of any case before this in which a smaller company claimed to be irreparably damaged by a large company giving away software”, said Rob Donnell, a software law expert.

“The war of good and evil begins. Our number may seem few, but we shall arise victorious, and the glory of Open Source shall beam from the heavens upon us all.”, said Mr. Coventry.

Mr. Coventry went on to say that “even the Apple-worshipper shall fall onto his knees and praise the one true OS.” The Church of Jobs refused offical comment.

Church members are steeling themselves for a long battle. “We are prepared. Our souls are light, our PCs overclocked”, said one member.

A passerby, after being told what the meeting, being held in a smallish room at the local community college, was about, commented “A damn church. Over stuff that runs on a computer. Fucking nutballs”.

When told that Linux was a OS, not “some idiotic trashy game that dumb kids get way into.” the passerby then proceeded to yell “Dumb asses!” a few times at churchgoers before leaving.

Church members noted that there are other forces against them. “Those who have polluted Linux in the name of user-friendliness have allowed the unbelievers to foul and profane the once glorious OS we worshipped”, said one member who only identified himself as punkbust12.

Another member noted “Those who blaspheme against the command line, who can not grasp the glory of inetd.conf, the rapture of sendmail; it is these heathen lusers that too many have slavishly appeased. No more. They are not worthy of the awesome beauty and healing grace of / dev/proc. KDE Sucks. GNOME too. [sic]” KDE and GNOME are popular windowing environments for Linux.

It is rumored that some in the church frevently believe that Linus Torvalds, the creator of Linux, will reveal himself to be none other than the savior himself. One member, who asked not to be named, noted that “Linus and Jesus do kind of sound alike.”

When asked to comment, Torvalds refused, saying only “I’m not wasting my time answering that bunch of stark raving loonies” also muttering “The nerve of some people”.

The SCO lawsuit claims that IBM and others have violated their copyrights on Unix. Some at SCO believe that IBM, HP and other major companies have ruined SCOs ability to do business by giving away software that is very similar to what they sell. SCO’s claims have raised the ire of many Linux users.

Experts note that it is clear that the lawsuit is a first for the software industry. “Certainly, I can’t think of any case before this in which a smaller company claimed to be irreparably damaged by a large company giving away software”, said Rob Donnell, a software law expert.

“The war of good and evil begins. Our number may seem few, but we shall arise victorious, and the glory of Open Source shall beam from the heavens upon us all.”, said Mr. Coventry.

Mr. Coventry went on to say that “even the Apple-worshipper shall fall onto his knees and praise the one true OS.” The Church of Jobs refused offical comment.

Church members are steeling themselves for a long battle. “We are prepared. Our souls are light, our PCs overclocked”, said one member.

A passerby, after being told what the meeting, being held in a smallish room at the local community college, was about, commented “A damn church. Over stuff that runs on a computer. Fucking nutballs”.

When told that Linux was a OS, not “some idiotic trashy game that dumb kids get way into.” the passerby then proceeded to yell “Dumb asses!” a few times at churchgoers before leaving.