SlashNOT

Matthew writes: At the beginning of each year, SlashNOT predicts the top 10 tech trends. The 2004 predictions are:

1. Anti-spam software will finally become useful, allowing you to blame it for not getting e-mail from people you don’t want to talk to.

2. Every tech job in America will be outsourced to India. Americans will still be fat and rich, but even less deservedly so.

3. SCO will go down in flames after a federal court rules that they don’t actually own the rights to UNIX. Linux users worldwide will break out in celebration, scaring the crap out of the 99% of the world who have no idea why geeks are running naked in the streets and dancing with stuffed penguins.

4. Microsoft will cut the price of Office in half as it’s hit with four consecutive quarters of its first-ever decreasing sales numbers. Microsoft will put X-Box on the street in smeared makeup and wobbly heels in an attempt to make quick money.

5. Opteron will destroy Itanium, forcing Intel to launch a “64-bits is 32 bits too many” ad campaign. The new era of 64-bit computing will usher in a lasting age of brotherhood, peace, and global harmony.

6. Republicans will begin to purchase Apple computers for the first time.

7. Dell commercials will suck so badly that a few people will actually die watching them.

8. iPods will outsell traditional Pods.

9. Voice over IP will flounder as corporate America realizes that it doesn’t really need phones to be as reliable and expensive as computers.

10. Microsoft will announce that Windows XP Service Pack 2 fixes the major security holes. One month later, the “Reaper” worm will take down every Windows XP machine that isn’t behind a firewall.