Testimony of Joseph Smith, Broadband customer
Posted by Matthew on Tuesday November 18, 2003 @05:00AM
from the Utah-Power-&-Light dept.
Matthew writes: I saw a web of fibers of light beneath the streets, which spread gradually until it reached my house.
When the web of fibers of light was completed, I saw two salesmen, whose shirt’s brightness and glory defy all description, standing on my porch. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said–”Are you happy with your current broadband provider?”
My object in going to inquire of Google was to know which of all the broadband providers was right, that I might know to which to subscribe. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the salesmen who stood on my porch, which of all the broadband providers was best (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that they all sucked)–and to which I should subscribe.
I was answered that I must join none of them, for they all sucked; and the salesman who addressed me said that all their speeds were an abomination in his sight; that their tier two peering arrangements were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their actual performance ratings are far from me, they speak of broadband, having a form of Internet access, but they deny the potential thereof.”
Subject:Unprofessional and Inappropriate
There is a point at which comedy goes too far. This story is disrespectful and offensive as it mocks something that is central to the beliefs of many people. Religion is not a parody.
Comment by Lisa — November 18, 2003 @ 9:43 pm
Subject:Re: Unprofessional and Inappropriate
Hi Lisa,
Sorry to have offended you, but this is a satire website, which means that it's supposed to be both unprofessional and inappropriate.
Matthew
P.S. I'd like to assure everyone out there who isn't Mormon that most Mormons have a far more developed sense of humor. At least, my parents, my siblings, and my wife do.
Comment by Matthew — November 19, 2003 @ 1:45 pm
Subject:Re: Unprofessional and Inappropriate
Update: I checked with the Biship of the local ward. He read it and assures me that it won't keep me out of the telestial kingdom.
Comment by Matthew — November 19, 2003 @ 6:47 pm
Subject:Unprofessional and Inappropriate
As a broadband salesman, I find this story disrespectful and offensive. Even moreso than that Mormon chick over there. Actually, I find her offensive too.
Comment by Broadband Bill — November 21, 2003 @ 12:21 am
Subject:Re: Unprofessional and Inappropriate
Sheesh! What can I sayeth?
Comment by Anonymous Poster — November 21, 2003 @ 1:20 pm
Subject:Re: Unprofessional and Inappropriate
As a human being, I find any salesman disrespectful and offensive, so we're even now.
Comment by Angry Customer — November 26, 2003 @ 8:54 am