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Matthew writes: Scientists have just announced that the Universe is probably not infinite, and that they’ve determined its shape. For a long time, Theorists considered that the Universe might be shaped like a Bagel, but they’ve now determined that the Universe is shaped like a Soccer Ball.

“It came to me while I was watching my daughter’s soccer game last week. So I ran back to the lab, ran the numbers, and viola! I was right.” Says Dr. Jeffrey Weeks.

“This caps of years of theoretical research. I thought we really had it when we were testing the Coffee Cup shaped universe; it was a big let down when the data from the microwave survey just didn’t support it. We’d been through so many different topologies by that point, including the Toothbrush shaped universe, the potato shaped universe, and the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: Skeletor action figure shaped universe.”