The SlashNOT Review: Roomba
Posted by Matthew on Saturday September 20, 2003 @11:18AM
from the what-will-they-make-us-do-when-they-rule-the-world dept.
matthew writes: Roomba, by iRobot, is marketed as the first useful robotic device for the home market. The diminutive robot, 3″ tall and 12″ in diameter, performed poorly in our series of tests. In fact, it performed well only in the “vacuum the floor” and “terrorize cats” test suites, which we added to our standard robot testing battery specifically for this device. In those tests, it performed remarkably well despite the fact that it moved about the room as if it had just come off a weeklong bender on Bourbon Street.
SlashNOT standardized Robot Test Battery:
| F | Wash Dishes |
| F | Drive car |
| B+ | Babysit |
| F | Save Human trapped in vacuum/radiation chamber |
| A | Terrorize cats |
| F | Quake Arena |
| A | Vacuum floor |
| B- | Sexual Surrogate |
| F | Chess |
| F | Non-violent protest on behalf of equal rights for machine intelligence |
Subject:I'm better
You know, hun, the only one of those tests I wouldn't score lots better on is “Non-violent protest on behalf of equal rights for machine intelligence”. I might even be cheaper over the short term, as long as you leave out the “wash dishes” part.
… although I'm strongly considering retracting all offers to someone who's tested a vacuum cleaner as a sexual surrogate. It just ain't right, and don't you think it's because I don't think I can compete, either.
Comment by eBay Bride — September 24, 2003 @ 8:04 pm
Subject:Re: I'm better
We outsource the sexual surrogacy testing to a national laboratory that specializes in such matters.
Comment by Matthew — October 7, 2003 @ 9:26 pm
Subject:Re: I'm better
Are they hiring?
Comment by Out of Honest Work — October 24, 2003 @ 8:51 pm
Subject:Re: I'm better
They don't so much “hire” as “not fire”.
Comment by Matthew — October 30, 2003 @ 9:14 am