SlashNOT

Matthew writes: SlashNOT unexplained but apparently increasing popularity has led many of our dear readers to heed our call to submit stories. Many, such as the recently posted story about Word 2003, are clever, insightful and well written.

Many other posts are not.

We call these “Crappy posts”. But, while they are as a rule poorly written, inane, and usually include blatant attempts to fool our readers into linking to what must be a poorly written and inane website of the poster’s creation, they usually are funny in their own bathetic way. So, because they’re as funny to laugh at as with, we’ve decided to make a regular feature of the best of the worst. Here they are. [Note: It is SlashNOT's policy to remove links to crappy websites.]

This week’s Crap We Saved You From Seeing

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Get this: a time-travelling know-it-all two-year-old, his demon half-uncle who’s only a demon because his mother committed the crime of pre-marital sex, and a talking cyborg cat who acts as a diary to the main character! It’s all in the story which the tech-geek who wrote it heralds as “The Best Story Told By An Anime Fan-Boy Who Still Lives With His Parents And Is Twenty-One Years Old EVER!” Yeah, so my story’s at [Ed: Denied]

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gary gygax writes: This morning at 8:36 p.m. The M$ Gestapo - er… lawyers discovered the Linux community’s greatest under-cover agent. The agent was sooo under cover that most Linux people didn’t even know about her. Yes, it was a girl, almost 10. It was none other than Jessica Gates, Bill’s own daughter. From growing up in the pressence of numerous geeks, she finally came to understand how horrible her dads products were. Then she heard of Linux, and switched her beowulf cluster of quad xeons at 3.0ghz with 4gb of ram each to Slackware. She was able to keep it secret in her 2 story doll house until the maid died, causing Bill to make his lawyers do the house cleaning. More news at

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Zelda Nintendo writes: The Maldanator, whom most geeks know as Captain Sandwich on a popular news blog, defines geek culture in a somewhat inaccurate manner on his EXTREMELY popular site. This well-known tech-nerd assumes geeks enjoy anime, and so he floods his news site with stories about anime — what he doesn’t realise, however, is that only 62.3766936% (rounded) of all geeks enjoy anime; therefore, the flood of anime stories on his site does not appeal to pure geek. Pure geek, defined by international treaty, is “a person who will never have sex, lives in his mother’s basement working on computer programming, only exiting to get more noodles”. Therefore the anime stories, especially the ones dealing with his favourite episode of the web-series Banana Chan are not stories which appeal to PURE GEEK! If his site is to appeal to pure geek, it shall only display stories of a tech nature! That includes stories about ST:DS9 re-runs and novels.

When asked for comment, the Maldanator said, “Who are you? Why are you asking such a stupid question? Get out, or I’ll call the cops!”

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Mike Scope writes: “Treasure and cherish your own real as well as spiritual Share of land in the Holy Garden in prais of Our Lord Jesus Christ, in the Holy Land.”

[If anyone knows this Jesus person, please ask him to stop posting. He's not very funny. And tell him how to spell praise.]