This Is Not My Universe
Posted by Matthew on Friday February 21, 2003 @07:04PM
from the Quantum-Physician's-Desk-Reference dept.
Andy Karn writes: The Morphological Adjustment Division, an obscure subcommittee of the American Physical Society, announced today that the universe took a quantum “wrong turn” over 5 decades ago. The scientific sleuths have traced the incorrect quantum state to a branching error in Hoboken NJ in 1951.
According to the so-called Many Worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, every time a quantum measurement is made, the universe splits into a sub-universe for each possibility. The problem came when 8-year old Bobby Schwartz consumed a snack cake which was so improbably fresh it violated causality and sent our universe careening onto the wrong quantum path, according to M.A.D. scientist Floyd Koppernik.
Recent research into Bozon particle overabundance reveals that the unverse we were supposed to get “sucked much less” than the one we’re in, Koppernik said. The correct universe apparently has safe nuclear power which is too cheap to meter, jet packs, and rocket cars.
Committee members said it was too early to say whether we can get back to the right universe, but are exploring the idea of employing a card shuffling machine with a deck that consists entirely of the ace of spades.