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Furious Farquad writes: Long time fashion adviser to Gates, his Grandmother, has been relieved of her position. Grandmother Gates is reportedly ‘disappointed in Billy’. “What will I do with all these sweaters that I knitted?” said a bewildered Grandma. “I know I’m cool“, says Bill when asked about the decision, “I have more mony than anyone. That’s cool. But what is the use of being really cool if I don’t look like it? I mean Granny’s cardigans are comfortable, but they just don’t cut it with our new target market, generation X” Microsoft has already deployed a team of experts to search the globe for a replacement. An interview with the team leader, Harry McNoodlehausen, revealed their strategy - “As soon as we find someone who is cool and willing to hang out with Gates, we will offer a contract immediately”. Talks are said to be underway with the guy who dresses Steve Jobs.